Peter Butterworth

Welcome to paradise.

 

Best known, of course, for his work in the Carry On films (although he also played the role of 'Betting Man' in the infamous 1954 picture The Gay Dog - a film about illegal dog bumming competitions held on the western outskirts of Newcastle upon Tyne, see previous post) Peter Butterworth enjoyed no little success and was instantly recognisable by sight, if not name, to millions.

Butterworth usually played mild-mannered eccentrics: chiselling camp site owner Josh Fiddler, the randy Admiral with wandering hands in Carry On Girls, Pepe the hotel manager in Carry On Abroad - "sausage, beans and chippings!". His characters might’ve been a bit mischievous at times but they were never any bother, he had one of those faces that prevented him from playing the real villains, like a wistful conker with a glint in its eye - not completely lived in, but definitely looking like it had kipped on your settee a few times after a night out on the light ales down Ye Olde Racist Pigge.

He married the actress and impressionist Janet Brown in 1947 who later became famous for her impersonations of Margaret Thatcher. There were rumours that Butterworth struggled to come to terms with his wife's success and he infamously commented in one interview "if she's the Iron Lady then she'd better start doing my fucking laundry", Butterworth apologised for this "uncharacteristic outburst" and blamed the bibulous research he’d been doing for the role of the toby jug in the title sequence of Never The ‘Twain, the marriage survived.

Butterworth died of a heart attack in 1979. He was found in his hotel room during a run of Aladdin in Coventry, he had been playing ‘T’Widow Wankey’ – a bawdy, Lancastrian take on the traditional panto role. The remainder of the run was cancelled out of respect and Butterworth was buried in Danehill cemetery, East Sussex. And that was it, his legacy was secured in his film work, the Carry On films became an integral part of the lusty British traditions of innuendo, big tits and comedy sound effects and have continued to be shown ever since their heyday.

Then, in 2009, he surprised everyone by making a comeback ITV’s Britain's Got Talent. It was his biggest part yet - the Hairy Angel, Susan Boyle.

I Can't Believe It's Not Butterworth.

As Susan Boyle, Butterworth captured the hearts of the nation with his ability to hold a tune whilst in character as a batty auld Scotch crone. He might not have managed to crease the poisoned veneer of BGT judge Amanda Holden but his version of I Dreamed A Dream set him on the road to stardom a second time over.

Butterworth (Boyle), or Su-Bo (Bu-Bo) may have lost the Britain’s Got Talent battle - finishing runner-up in the final to dance troupe Diversity, but ultimately won the war. His first album achieved record sales for a debut and earned him £5m in his first year back in the limelight, he has released a further two albums since and now enjoys global fame having appeared on network television in the USA, Japan and Australia – never once breaking out of the “beardy wee wifie wha’s daft in the heed” character. He learned that in rep, the young ‘uns these days wouldn’t have a clue.

See - death isn’t the end after all. Big Dave Cameron was a Beluga whale you know. He kept the looks but lost the perma-grin and swimming ability and now spends a fortune on rouge (“Keep it ruddy, ya?”). So now you know, but sometimes the big answers only lead us to bigger questions: What were you? Who were you? What will you return as next time? Sweet or salted? Open or wrapped? Complicated this life lark, innit?

Galen of Pergamon

Galen, yesterday.

September AD 129 – c. 201"Arguably the most accomplished of all medical researchers of antiquity" - Steve McLaren.

Galen contributed greatly to the understanding of numerous scientific disciplines including anatomy, physiology, pathology, pharmacology, and neurology, as well as philosophy, and logic. He wasn't a total square though - he was also the first person to successfully turn on the Bunsen burner gas and blame someone else, his write-up on the subject, 'Who's Boffed?' (AD 132) was his first published work and is still in print today.

Galen's father, the celebrated Pergamon minstrel Alexandra van Galen, died when his son was 19. This left Galen independently wealthy and his first action was to take the 1st Century equivalent of a gap year. This meant travelling widely in order to further his studies, not tooling his way around South America, growing dreadlocks and posting photos on facebook of him and his horse-faced mates up a mountain tagged with comments like 'peasant cocktails = good times' and 'chilling with the locals, laughs actually'.

Feet back on the ground, he settled at the great medical school of Alexandria long enough to learn the various schools of medical thought, making himself unpopular with other students due to his habit of reminding the teacher about homework and tests, like a big swot. Despite his love of studying he only graduated with a 2:2, much to the delight of his classmates, before returning to Pergamon to take the job of physician to the gladiators of the High Priest of Asia.

Galen made his name as a practising physician in Rome, having moved there in 162AD after a clash of personalities with John Fashanu. Again Galen found himself to be unpopular, this time among the medical community in the city who were jealous of his abilities as a physician. He was branded 'Gay Len' because of his combined interests in hygiene and anatomy, the smear campaign affected Galen so much he felt obliged to leave Rome, returning only at the behest of Emperor Marcus Aurelius after the breakout of the Antonine Plague which also became known as the Plague of Galen (and later still, the AIDS).

Galen's main interest was in human anatomy and despite the prohibition of human dissection under Roman law he made a major contribution to medicine by using pigs and primates for his research. His interest in the respiratory system started by accident when he was giving an impromptu puppet show using a pig carcass and a pair of bellows and noticed the effect the articifial ventilation had on the passed porker. This is also thought to be the origin of the Pinocchio story.

Galen's understanding of anatomy and medicine were principally influenced by the theory of humorism; advanced by Greek physicians from Hippocrates onwards, the theory held that an imbalance of any of the four fluids or 'humours' in the body would affect the health and temperament of the person. The four humours of Hippocratic medicine were slapstick, stand-up, improv and highlighting something then asking "what's all that about?”. It was this fourth humour - the McIntyre Humour (thought to narrow the eyes and make the head wobble) that attracted the most criticism and eventually led to humorism being discredited in the mid 16th Century by Andreas Vesalius in his book ‘Pull Back and Reveal’, a collection of printed descriptions and illustrations based on human dissections and mother-in-law jokes.

The full importance of Galen’s contribution to medicine was not appreciated until long after his death. His written output was so vast that it continued to reveal secrets for centuries after his death - he wrote on the benefits of colonic irrigation, invented and discredited homeopathy, collaborated (by correspondence) with Leonardo da Vinci on the air ambulance and was working on a prototype of the elastoplast at the time of his death. He wasn't always on the money though, he was less successful with the treatise 'On the benefits of an additional phallus' and his experiments on synthesising blood from a mixture of piss, honey and beetroot juice are best left on the page. Can't win them all can you. Pint of 'blood' anyone?