Chalky

Not that one.

August 1989 - 13.01.07

This is where watching a good four hours of Rick Stein Goes Chicken Oriental on the trot gets you. I've got to say I empathise with Rick in that series though, he spends a lot of the time looking sweaty, uncomfortable and probably wishing he was somewhere else - like me on the tube, or in a room full of people enjoying themselves.

Chalky doesn't even feature in that series, not directly anyway. That might have something to do with the complexities of filming on location in a number of foreign countries in the far east, or maybe it was because he'd sadly died by this point. I don't know much about TV production so I can't say for sure.

As Rick explains though, people would regularly ask about Chalky, not realising he'd passed away. The fact that one was always associated with the other does beg the question about who was the real driving force in the partnership. How many folk do you think asked Chalky about Rick when they bumped into him doing his messages around Padstow, or when he was out for a dig and a plodge down the beach with the lads? Not many I reckon, then again rumour has it that Chalky was crap with a saute pan and wouldn't know a beurre monte if it came up and sniffed his arse. Rick's got the cooking nouse and the presentational skills, Chalky added a human element to proceedings - you stick to your strengths don't you? They were a good team and it's interesting to note that Rick doesn't seem to have been as prominent on the telly since Chalky stopped paying his Kennel Club subs.

Nick nick!

I got bitten by a white rough-haired Jack Russell once. It wasn't Chalky of course, it was a dog called Titch that lived across the road, he belonged to a lad called Gravy Stain (because of a prominent birthmark on his neck, unlucky). Even though I had to go the General to get a tetanus jab I haven't held it against Chalky even though him and Titch were identical to the untrained eye, I think that says something about the little bugger.

Chalky has had two beers dedicated to him by Sharp's Brewery in Cornwall, Chalky's Bark and Chalky's Bite - wonder which one is worse? Strange to think a dog might achieve more in 17 years than you will in your whole life. I know I'm not dead yet but I've not had a single drink named after me, if things don't pick up I think I might put a claim in on this.

Status: Dead
Lookalike: Titch Gravy Stain

In Three Words: Judge Jules' Cousin