John Candy

Upstairs.

October 31, 1950 – March 4, 1994

 

John Candy had a secret. The Canadian actor was born in 1950 under a cloak of secrecy, such was his father's desire to keep details of his illegitimate son from the public eye. Candy's father had just begun his own television career and didn't want any potential scandals scuppering his big break; he was young a star, he lived in a picnic hamper and he swore down to Looby Loo he would only put the tip in. Yes, Andy Pandy was the randy Candy dandy. Suddenly it all makes sense. He might've been sent to adoptive parents in Canada under an altered surname (an allusion to the the candy striped pyjamas that his father made his name in) but the clues were there for the eagle-eyed - the chubby cheeks, the desire to entertain, the affinity with food baskets, working with bears. Occam's razor, innit.

He played losers, geeks, doofs and irritants, yet the audience was always on his side. Del Griffith - shower curtain ring salesman from hell, Gus Polinski - Polka King of the North West. The under-achieving, all-drinking, all-gambling 'Uncle' Buck Russell. People you would avoid like a kiss from a syphilitic virago, portrayed by John Candy they were loveable cranks. Who doesn't like a lunkish underdog? If only he'd taken the role of Louis Tully, his filmography would be textbook.

John Candy understood and obeyed the universal law of the big lad - always be jolly. That's what people expect of ballaties, that and the expectation that they'll greet a gambit such as "you're big" with surprise, charm and, ultimately, gratitude. No-one likes a sullen fatty, see, look at Roland Browning - unpopular at school, he later matured into a low-level drug-peddling DJ; Michael Moore - unkempt bovine grump of the Left. You'd never get that kind of behaviour from Candy. He bought into his local american football team, set up an Italian domestic appliance manufacturer and travelled back to the 13th Century to invent confectionery, and did it all with a big dippy grin on his wobbly gish. That's why he got his own postage stamp. This is what you want from your celebrities. You can shove all those tortured artistes right up your arse.

John Candy: actor, big 'un, tattoo:

 

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Status: Dead
Lookalike: John Savident*
In Three Words: Ten million dollars!